


Regretting a Lost Future

by Mortallytremendoustale



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Hux is a frustrated ass, I have high hopes about this, Kylo is a confused little shit, M/M, and they might, they fall in love, they hate each other but really just wanna make love, this is gonna be fluffy and so angsty, we go to Hux's childhood home, yay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-08-09
Packaged: 2018-07-12 17:13:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7114945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mortallytremendoustale/pseuds/Mortallytremendoustale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If they were anyone else, and if the universe were wider, maybe theirs might have been a happier story</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Arkanis

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you guys enjoy this, let me know what you think! I'll be updating often, there shouldn't be very long delays!!

The two men stood in a huge dimly lit room awaiting what was to come. Clad in all black, his lightsabre at his waist and forever wearing a helmet revealing none of his features, Kylo Ren had been the bane of Hux’s existence since he came aboard the Finalizer. The ginger believed that Kylo Ren’s sole purpose in life was to make his job as difficult as possible. To summarise Hux’s feelings toward Kylo:

He hated him. Simple as. Although there may have been a slight jealousy and something else—awe of his ability in the force maybe, that Hux refused to acknowledge.

Just standing next to him caused a wave of irritation to spread through Hux. Kylo on the other hand was trying as hard as he could to ignore the presence of the general beside him. Snoke’s holo would appear any minute and if his full attention wasn’t being paid to Snoke, it was disrespect at the highest. 

Before Hux could pass a snarky comment, or Ren could form an independent thought, the image of Snoke appeared and towered above them both, stern as ever. “Kylo Ren, General Hux”, he began, “I have reason to believe there is a rebel group on Arkanis”, Snoke’s gaze shifting to Hux momentarily.

Arkanis. That alone was enough to dig a pit of anxiety in Hux’s stomach, no good memories ever came from Arkanis. He swallowed, a nervous energy growing in his chest. He managed to keep his face blank and stern, through years and years of practice it was like second nature. He was silently hoping there was no need for him to go there.

“I wish for you both to investigate”, Snoke continued, “bring a squad of Stormtroopers of your own choosing. Kill any and all that question the authority of The First Order, search the planet for any rebel involvement. Capture two, bring them to be interrogated. You may kill the rest.” Short. Precise. The two expected nothing else from Snoke.  
Kylo Ren looked up at his master through the dark screen of his helmet. The mere sight of him inflicted fear, made his jaw clench.  
“Yes, supreme leader. Is there anything else you need?”, he spoke, his deep baritone voice unrecognisable and distorted from the voice modulator.

The Supreme Leader considered this for a moment. “No, if you complete this mission without fail, that will be enough for now”. Without warning the hologram disappeared into nothingness, leaving Hux and Kylo alone together once more. Kylo knew what Snoke meant by “without fail”. If they don’t complete this mission they’re—to put it lightly, fucked. He turns to Hux, who is letting out a deep breath he could have been holding the entire time, Kylo can’t tell.   
“This mission needs to go without a single problem or it will be us receiving the back hand of Snoke’s wrath.”

Hux squared his jaw and snapped, “and I’m sure it would, if you didn’t have to come with me”, he took a deep breath, “but orders are orders. We leave tonight, nine sharp, we’ll be there by the morning. It’s an eight hour journey from the next planetary system on our route. I will not hesitate to leave without you if you’re not there on time, regardless of the orders.”

Kylo was suspicious of how Hux knew exactly how long the trip to Arkanis was, but before he could comment Hux was marching with long strides out of the room. Reading his mental feedback through the force Ren could see he was already choosing the best Stormtroopers to bring on this mission, knowing he will have to consult Phasma before he makes any final decisions.

Ren made a hollow growl, Hux walked around the ship like he owned everything, like he was the rightful leader of everything. Ren hated this about him, and intended to knock this out of Hux at every opportunity that presented itself.

*******  
As the first rays of light fell on the green surface of Arkanis, a dark obsidian ship landed. Heavy rain attacked the outer of the ship, from the inside it sounded like someone was beating it with a stick, or so Ren thought. He could feel the unease of all the troopers through the force, he thought it was understandable seeing as they’ve never experienced anything like this before, but also disappointing because they were trained to be strong warriors, not weak and petty civilians who are afraid of some water. Hux though, was afraid of something else entirely, it wasn’t the rain, and on second thought Ren thought that maybe it wasn’t fear. Could it be anxiety? Maybe a mix of both, but whatever it was Ren could tell he was feeling an overwhelming amount of it and was masking it very well. He tried to press into Hux’s mind further to see if he should be concerned too.

As soon as Kylo had merely skimmed the surface of Hux’s mind with the force, Hux’s face snapped toward Ren, his eyes furious. “Ren”, he shouted, “Stay the hell out of my head or I will leave you out in the rain all fucking night and pray that you die there”. The troopers lined up behind them stiffened, it wasn’t like the general to lose his composure. Ren clenched his fists, knowing that if he lost control now it was jeopardise the mission.

The ship landed suddenly, lurching everyone forward slightly. The doors of the ship opened in front of Ren and Hux. They stepped out, the troopers marching obediently behind. Hux was sending death glares at everything in his sight, it was enough to make Ren almost laugh. He didn’t, but if he were a different person, in a different life, he knew he would have. He thought that Ben would have—but nothing from then matters anymore. It’s a lost past, long buried, unimportant.

“REN” Kylo is brought out of his thoughts by Hux roaring his name. “Are you coming or not?”, he growls. Kylo hadn’t realised he’d stopped walking. 

Kylo felt the flames of rage flickering within him. His blood boiled. His fists clenched, his body tensed. Squaring his jaw and raising his hand he wanted to force choke Hux, he wanted to inflict fear, he wanted Hux gone, out of the equation. But something stopped him. His hand went limp, then his arm suddenly felt too heavy, soon it was back down by his side. A slight pang of guilt or maybe remorse made Kylo rethink this action. His breathing quickened, his chest rising and falling visibly. It was the call of the light. 

Under the helmet his eyes brimmed with tears, this isn’t who he is meant to be. Kylo Ren is a leader, he is a ruthless killer who enjoys bloodshed. He has no mercy. And yet, he can’t even inflict damage to someone who just called him out in front of his troopers. There shouldn’t be any light left within him. The very thought of it brought Kylo such frustration, he could feel the pressure of his thoughts banging on his head, a great emotional and physical pain beginning to stir within him. He needed a release, usually in the form of slashing something with his lightsabre, reminding him of true power-- anger, mercilessness, slaughter—the dark side. All things he should want, Snoke guided him to discover this.

But there was nothing around that would allow him to reclaim the darkness he desperately needed. No wall he could destroy, no people he could kill without ruining the mission and in turn disappointing Snoke. So Kylo bottled up his frustrations, pushed them deep down inside him with one deep exhale, knowing he could have no access to them in this moment. He could reassess his alignment in the force later, when the mission is complete. 

When he looked up, Hux’s face had contorted into one of someone trying to mask their intrigue and confusion with disgust. Kylo huffed a breath in response to his stare. Suddenly something seemed to snap inside of Hux, as if he had allowed part of his soul to leak out, given it to Kylo, and needed it back. His face turned back to his normal scowl, almost a panicked return to reality. Kylo could sense through the force that Hux was in shock with himself that he let any form of emotion show, that he let a weakness be seen and was angry with himself for it.

“We should get moving.” Hux stated, his voice not the monotone Kylo was always hearing on the Finalizer, it wavered slightly, only something you could pick up if you were trying to. “We should search half of the city today, then we will rest for the night in an old housing estate that is long desolate”, he gulped, “then we will do the other half of the city tomorrow, agreed?”

It took a minute, but Kylo nodded slowly. They moved toward what Kylo assumed was a city, seeing as the buildings were growing increasingly in size and number. Everyone marched on, in search of the rebel group, the rain soaking everything in sight.


	2. Bloodshed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After day one of the mission, the blood on Kylo's hands haunts him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone that may need the warning, violence is a theme in this chapter!!!
> 
> You can find me on tumblr [here](http://mortallytremendoustale.tumblr.com/)

The trek around the city had been long and could qualify as the most boring mission of Ren’s life, no rebel group in sight, nothing to do but walk at Hux’s side and wait for the troopers to finish assessing the area for any signs of rebellion. The rain continued to pour, it’s distinct smell in the air. Ren was quite glad he wore a helmet. It protected him, from the rain but also in another sense, his face was kept unseen, any trace of emotion unknown to any who challenged him. His helmet was the mask of his emotions, the thing that separated him from the past and brought around the present. Helped kill Ben and bring Kylo Ren to life, in a sense. A barrier to hide himself from the world. 

A group of birds were pecking at the carcass of a cat, dragging it’s insides onto the pavement, colouring it’s once white fur a deep crimson. The city was an eerie quite, no movement as far as Kylo could see. It would seem deserted to anyone who couldn’t use the force to sense the people inside their homes. Ren became cautious, this could be a bad omen.

A sharp creek of a rusty gate interrupted the silence and made everyone’s head turn toward an old house. The sun was setting, its reflection visible in the windows of the house. Bright green vines ran their way up it, the only spot of colour on the otherwise dull, grey house. The large door was ajar, swaying open and closed with the draught, allowing some rain to wet the floor it should be protecting.

“Investigate” Ren commanded, feeling on edge. “and bring anyone or anything of use that you find back”. The troopers immediately dispatched, aimed their blasters, ready to fire if needed. This left Hux and Ren standing side by side waiting for the troopers to finish their job, being the two in higher command it wasn’t their place on a mission such as this to do much dirty work unless it involved interrogating or killing. 

Ren looked to Hux and huffed a silent laugh before he bit his lip, ensuring he wasn’t heard. Hux’s hair had fallen from the gelled state it had always been in, and now hung around his face, dripping. To see the feared general in this state was almost comical. His hair turned an even darker shade of red when wet, Ren noticed. His uniform was soaked through, causing it to stick to him, making it look as if his uniform were some sort of skin-tight body suit. The thing Ren found the strangest, though, was that Hux didn’t seem to be pissed off or annoyed. In fact, checking his thoughts only confirmed that Hux was calmer than Ren had ever known him to be. Strange, it seems uncharacteristic for him to like rain, or anything, Ren thought. 

Hux had an image of an old house in his mind. The house was average sized, but definitely enough to harbour the group of troopers and themselves, Ren thought. Probably where they’ll stay tonight. It’s exterior was very plain and pristine, nothing out of order, not even the slightest mark on any of the windows. There was a large lawn in front of it, the grass cut so perfectly Ren assumed it had been done by some type of droid. Ren sensed from Hux’s thoughts that something within the house was supposed to be hidden and remain a secret, something Hux categorised as dangerous. Something he was dreading, almost afraid of. Pressing further, curious, Ren saw that Hux believed the dangerous secret was a small batch of daisies, grouped together in a small glass filled with some water to keep them alive. That may be the most bizarre thing Ren has ever encountered. A feared general of the First Order afraid of flowers. 

Behind the helmet, Kylo’s face contorted into utter confusion, his lip curling and his eyebrows drawing closer. Hux seemed to stay completely unaware of his gaze and kept his eyes on the building, waiting for the troopers to reappear. Whether he was ignoring Ren or simply didn’t know that Ren had just read his mind was a mystery, he was a master at masking everything, the best deceiver Ren had encountered, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

Kylo’s focus was taken away from the man beside him and placed on the troopers exiting the house. Their white armour shining in the sunlight, the rain running down it. DN-4703 approached them and spoke, her voice masked and crackled. 

“Nothing, sir”, she reported. Hux nodded, a stiff and brief movement. She was one of the highest ranking troopers in the Order, Hux believed she was trustworthy. 

“Thank you, DN-4703.” Hux spoke, “We will move forward with the mission, then.”

*******

After an entire day of searching, nothing was found. When they approached the house Ren wasn’t surprised to see it was the one that Hux was thinking of earlier. At least, it resembled that of Hux’s earlier thoughts. The exterior was more dilapidated, two windows shattered, the grass over grown and wild. Some slates had fallen from the roof and their shattered remains lay on the ground. Upon entering, Ren could tell this house hadn’t had a soul in it for years. Dust flew around in the air illuminated by a ray of sunlight coming from a dirty window. Kylo didn’t think much of the place, too occupied with his own thoughts and inner conflicts to care all that much.

Hux had excused himself and left to make a report on the mission somewhere after telling the troopers to have recreational time. They all sat in what Kylo assumed was once a living room. The old cushioned chair dusty and stiff from not being touched in god knows how long. The air was old and musty, it made breathing difficult, so the windows were opened to allow a soft breeze through. The rain had stopped just over an hour ago and the sky was beginning to darken, the sun sinking in the sky. 

Kylo decided that now was a good time to meditate and reassess where he lies with the force, to bring him closer to the dark side. He feels hesitant, it’s the first time he’s meditated since the incident with Rey on Starkiller base and killing Han Solo. However hesitant he feels, he knows he must do this. He opens a door which leads to the back garden, a gust of wind blowing in through the doorway, causing his robes to sway. The garden is in very poor shape, the grass over-grown and a dull green-grey colour. Kylo notices a tall tree in the far corner. It’s branches curling down toward the ground elegantly, his attention is drawn to it immediately. The flowers on the branches are such a vibrant white, they stand out of the growing darkness of the night. It’s the perfect place to meditate.

He walks underneath the tree, its branches falling so much, he’s only visible from the knees down. Kylo takes off his helmet, feeling the fresh air on his face for the first time in a long time. He senses a strange presence; one he has never felt before. Maybe it’s just the strange surroundings or maybe this could be more interesting than he thought. He sits down and gets in position, his eyes flutter closed, he steadies his breathing, becoming more aware of his physical being and all around him.

_He can feel the energy of everything around him, the light, the dark. The good. The bad. They both glow before him, both equally taunting, begging him to move toward it. He leans for the light, he wants to remember why he left._

_He sees a huge room, seeming to have no end, it’s all white, glowing. He is being presented with a memory. Before him is a sight he will never forget as long as he lives. There are children on the floor. Their corpses laying in their own blood and that of others. The red pools around them like a river, their robes absorbing it. Limbs are severed, red oozing from them. It was an unfair fight, they had no chance of survival, no option but to die. There are screams of terror echoing all around him, cries, the children’s wails and their pleads to not be damaged, to stay alive. The sounds attack him, swirling around him, it overwhelms him. The memory continues._

_His swallows the lump in his throat. He knows what comes next._

_He looks down, and a young boy no older than 8 looks back at him. The child’s deep brown eyes resemble that of his own. Their skin is so soft, so pale. Their lip quivers, their eyes spilling tears down their cheek. “Please”, he begs, barely above a whisper. “I’m scared, I don’t want to die, please don’t—“_

_Before the child could finish their sentence, Ren had brought his lightsabre to his neck and applied as much pressure as he could. The small head came rolling off into the pool before it, blood dripping all over Kylo’s legs, covering his shoes._

_The child’s name was Leiko, he wanted to be a great jedi and make his parents proud. That can never happen now, Kylo has taken that from him along with his life._

_Ren can feel his breathing getting out of control, he needs this memory over and fast. He uses all the strength he can muster to push away, to get away from the light he went toward. He hears footsteps behind him—he can’t relive this part, never. He pushes with all he has but it’s not working. It continues._

_The footsteps echo and then stop. A choked off scream. Ren turns around. Erikk is standing under an arch, his face contorting with the same horror it did that day._

_“What did you do”, he screams. Erikk gasps, looking to the floor and the blood that coats it. “What have you done!?”. Ren’s fists clench, he hears the voice in the back of his mind, ’kill him’, it whispers. A wind comes and graces his face, blowing his hair to one side. The wind doesn’t seem to touch Erikk. “I told you we could work through all this…”, Erikk’s face turns soft, a type of grief, he is realising the boy he loved is dead, but he remains in denial. As he always has. “Ben..”, he whispers._

_The scene around him fades into grey and Kylo can feel himself returning to where his meditation began. The memory is over. He can feel the energies around him, the light, the darkness. He can sense something else, a ghost of someone. They feel familiar, warm, caring. They want to speak to Kylo._

_“Ben”. A voice Kylo has never heard before says. It’s male, deep, slightly raspy._

_He immediately feels defensive and screams back. “I’m not Ben, he died that day with all the others”_

_He can feel the ghosts pain, their disappointment. “I don’t think he did”_

_“-what? Yes. He did. Ben is gone. Who are you and what do you want?” Kylo demands._

Before any reply could come Kylo’s eyes open, he is dragged out of his meditated state. His cheeks are wet. He wipes them with his hand. His breathing is heavy, panicked. He feels weakened, tired. His eyes are heavy. He craves answers, he feels even more lost and confused. He grounds himself, it’s over.

Its darker than before, the flowers on the tree barely visible without any light. He manages to get on his feet, puts his helmet back on before beginning to walk back to the house. With every step he takes he can feel a disruption in the force, a throbbing pain. Someone in the house is in pain. What if the rebel group came? They’re attacking! 

Kylo makes his way into the house as fast as he can, searching for the source of the pain, using the force to find it. He senses it coming from upstairs. Immediately he makes his way frantically up the stairs, jumping over every second one. He is preparing for a fight, his hand finds his sabre, takes it out, ready to ignite, as he was always taught. The pain is originating from behind a large door at the end of the hall. It’s dark, no lights are on, his helmet doesn’t help much, he stumbles. He pushes the door open and sees a sight he never expected to see.

Hux’s face shoots with alarm toward the opening door. His eyes frantic, his breathing erratic, his eyes glassy through tears. Ren stands in shock, doesn’t know what to do. The large window allows enough moonlight in to illuminate Hux’s face, shining on the lines tears have left, casting a shadow over the bed he’s sitting on. Ren is about to leave until he notices why he felt the pain…

Hux’s blood is splattering onto the wooden floor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I really love the idea of making you wait to see why he's bleeding and if its fatal, sorry
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments!!! Thank you for reading!


	3. Ghosts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ghosts of Hux's past come back to haunt him
> 
> I would like to take a moment to apologise for the inactivity, I'm really sorry, life gets in the way sometimes, but I'm back now!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING** this chapter contains mentions of domestic abuse, suicide and improper alcohol usage.  
> If you are experiencing any of these problems you are not alone, trust me, please speak to someone you trust and contact an organisation that can help you overcome these obstacles in your life, enabling you to live the best life you can. Because I promise you, the best life you can live is out there waiting for you!  
>  **Domestic Abuse:** http://ie.reachout.com/inform-yourself/bullying-and-personal-safety/domestic-violence/?gclid=CNGFzanPls4CFYVf2wodteoL2w  
>  **Suicide:** http://grow.ie/blog/world-suicide-prevention-day-2015/?gclid=COyOoLzPls4CFQNQ2wodR-0O9A  
>  **Alcoholism:** http://www.aiseiri.ie/treatment/family-support-programme?gclid=CLKnrczPls4CFcaD2wodrjsAZQ

“Get. The. Fuck. Out” Hux growled, eyes shooting daggers at Kylo Ren. Kylo couldn’t move, his breath was caught in his throat. Under the helmet his mouth hung open, shocked that the stoic general could ever look as vulnerable as he did right now. 

Kylo thinks of searching Hux’s mind for answers, but decides against it, this is too intimate a matter to treat Hux like an object he can toy with like he does his enemies. But since when did Kylo care about the general who walks like he has a stick up his ass. He doesn’t care, why in the world would he care? Then it hits him, Kylo cares because he can relate to Hux’s current predicament. Kylo finds an understanding he never thought he would find in the great General Hux.

Kylo has been been injured by his own rage before, has been his own attacker, has lived through the consequences of living with an uncontrollable anger raging within him. Suddenly, almost instinctively, Kylo feels the urge to give Hux the help he was never given, he feels compelled to stop the pain. He feels the need to save another from the fate he has been given. 

Hux is on edge, extremely uncomfortable, and in denial about how scared he actually is right now. Kylo can sense it. Without thinking about it too much, Kylo reaches his hands up to the sides of his helmet and trying not to hesitate too much he pulls it off, he feels the cold air greet his skin and allows his hair to curl around his face. He needs to show Hux that he isn’t a threat, not here, not right now.

Hux gasps slightly, this isn’t the first time he has seen Kylo without his helmet, he shouldn’t be surprised, he shouldn’t feel anything, he thinks. Yet he does. His hair looks so soft, and with the moonlight sending a silver glow onto Kylo’s skin, he looks elegantly human, beautiful. Kylo takes a hesitant step forward, and Hux can’t tear his eyes away. Maybe Hux has gone mad, or maybe it’s the bottle of strong alcohol he downed earlier, whichever one is true (probably both, he thinks) Hux doesn’t ask Kylo to leave.

Without any notice Kylo rushes out of the room, leaving Hux alone once more. For whatever reason, Hux begins to feel more overwhelmed by sadness than he was before, his chest has become tight and he thinks it might cave in (maybe he hopes it will). His eyes sting, and his vision blurs as they fill with more tears, which may have fallen onto his cheeks, he has lost the ability to tell. All he can concentrate on is the doorway through which Kylo deserted him.

Noise erupts from the hallway, taking Hux out of his thoughts and back to his surroundings. Within seconds the tall man is standing in the doorway once more, a first aid box in hand. At first glance Hux is confused, but the painful throbbing of his hand reminds Hux of what he has done. He looks down at his hand and sees the blood pooling and falling in drops to the floor, which has created a puddle of red around him. 

Kylo makes his way across the room to Hux, and kneels down in front of him. He does this all with caution, as if Hux is a bird that may fly away if he makes the wrong move. Realistically though, Kylo is hoping Hux will allow him to help, that he won’t shout at him to leave again. He raises his eyebrows, silently asking for permission to stop the bleeding. Hux, uncharacteristically, nods slightly and accepts the help. He extends his hand out toward Kylo, who begins to wipe the wound with an anti-septic. Hux winces, the stinging adding to the pain of the throbbing wound. Kylo looks up, his dark eyes full of concern.

“There’s no bacta cream in here, so we’re gonna have to clean this the old fashioned way until we can find some” Kylo says, his deep voice filling up the room, this sooths Hux.

“Okay, just…uh…stop the bleeding” Hux replied.

Kylo went to work on Hux’s hand, dabbing away at the blood and stopping every time Hux winced in pain. When he was done, the hand bandaged and the bleeding stopped Kylo asked Hux how it happened.

“Well, I drank some. Tore some things apart, and I may have applied too much pressure to the glass and it shattered in my hands, that’s when the bleeding started...” Hux trailed off, he couldn’t figure out why he was telling Kylo Ren of all people this, yet here he was. Hux let out a small sort of laugh, the situation was one he really couldn’t wrap his head around.

“I get it”, Kylo began, “it’s happened to me before too, I understand. It’s okay. Look, I’ve never been great at comforting someone...”

“Ah, to be fair I’m sure I’m much worse.” The two shared a short laugh.

“Does it hurt much?” Kylo asked, his eyes darting to Hux’s injured hand.

“Not really. This pain”, Hux holds up his hand, “pails in comparison to what drove me to do it.” Kylo’s eyebrows furrow in confusion and Hux realises he has no clue. He decides to let Ren in, to allow only him to see how much of a broken man he is, if only for one night. 

“I grew up here. This place”, Hux gestures to the house they’re staying in, “is my childhood home. I thought I’d be fine coming here, that it wouldn’t overwhelm me. I was very, very wrong about that. I looked around and it was as if I could see him again. Beating my mother. It’s like her pain still echoes in the hallways, as though its ingrained in the walls. I remember walking into this very room as a thirteen year old and seeing her body hang, her eyes bulging.” A loud sob escaped him, he glanced over toward a strong metal bar above the window that once probably held curtains, Kylo assumed that Hux’s mother’s body hung there once too. Hux’s face contorted, trying to regain some composure. Hux took a deep breath. “That was my first encounter with death. My father died shortly after, fighting, he was shot down. Thank fuck for that or I fear I would have ended up like my mother. Everything from then on is quite…uh…hazy. I only concentrated on rising through the ranks of the Order and nothing else. I tried not to let my past catch up to me but look where that got me.”

Kylo, in hearing this, feels a strong protectiveness over Hux. Like he needs to shield him from everything that’s happened to him, from his own memories of his mother’s corpse in this very room, from the ghosts of the past that he will never be able to escape. “Hux, I…” Kylo begins, but is at a loss for words. He grabs Hux’s non-injured hand and squeezes it, hoping somehow it could portray the care Ren has accumulated for Hux in such a short time frame.

“Don’t pity me, pity is for the weak. I am not weak.” 

“I wasn’t pitying, Hux, I was just wishing it had been different for you. And you’ll never be weak in my eyes, you’re one of the strongest, most terrifying men I have ever met, and I’ve met a few, so it means something.”

Hux’s lips curved into a small smile. “For someone who claims to be terrible at comforting, you’re rather good at it.”

Kylo was looking up at Hux from where he was kneeling in front of him, his dark eyes shining, casting a spell on Hux who could only stare into them. The moonlight made him look like a God with how it illuminated his face and made his hair so…touchable. Without thinking, Hux raised his hand ad rested it on Kylo’s cheek. He panicked for a moment, what if Kylo didn’t want his affection, what if he would reject him, but he relaxed when Kylo’s much larger hand came up to join Hux’s. Kylo moved his head and planted a small kiss onto the palm of Hux’s hand. 

Hux stroked Ren’s cheek with his thumb. They both stared into each other’s eyes for so long yet they were still so enchanted by the other. Ren, a man who has seen too much could be so caring, gentle and kind, and Hux, a man who was forced to grow up much too fast could still be vulnerable, could still feel and most importantly, Hux felt that maybe he could learn to love.

Two very opposite men came together that night, united by internal wars they thought they could win on their own, now their battles were shared and there was a sense of understanding between them which they’ve never felt with anyone before in their lives. 

Hux’s thumb grazed over Ren’s lips, causing Hux’s gaze to travel from Kylo’s eyes to his lips. They were so full, so _inviting_. Kylo noticed this, his tongue darting out to wet his lips, a nervousness building in his stomach. Hux swallowed the lump in his throat, his heart was pounding, his cheeks flushing. In this moment, he wanted nothing more than to kiss Kylo, to feel his lips on his own.

And he would have, if they had different lives, if they were different people, in a different world. But they aren’t any of that, and there is nothing they can do to change their reality. Hux catches himself, and forces himself out of his dream-like daze. His hand falls away from Kylo’s face. His eyes return to being the emotionless ones Kylo is so used to seeing. Just like that the general had put his own stoic mask back on.

“Thank you, Kylo Ren, for your aid. That will be all. You are dismissed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think! Don't forget to leave kudos and comments, they fuel me!!  
> You can contact me on tumblr,[here!](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/mortallytremendoustale)


	4. Unmarked Graves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The mission on Arkanis was for nothing but on their way back to the Order an emergency stop must be made. However, this planet is not what it seems to be and a carefully planned battle plays out. Kylo acts fast but it could lead to his own demise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so there's violence in this and can I just point out that Hux and Kylo are not good people, at all, but every villain is a hero in their own eyes and so they think what they're doing is morally correct....
> 
> Also HUGE apologies for the really long wait, I'm gonna be more efficient in the future
> 
> Follow and contact me on [tumblr dot hell](http://www.mortallytremendoustale.tumblr.com/)

Arkanis had been searched in its entirety during the following day, and there was no sign of a resistance group. So, everyone was boarding the ship and preparing to leave. Kylo and Hux had regained their argumentative relationship, Hux pouncing on every opportunity to show Kylo that he really doesn’t care about him and sees him as inferior. In the past Kylo would bite back some snarky comment and reply with just as much vitriol, but today he remained silent. He knew the general was making sure he knew that the previous night had meant nothing, that his actions were due to his intoxication, and for reasons Kylo was refusing to admit it saddened him.

Kylo felt a deep inner hollowness throughout the day. He couldn’t even find it in him to be angry, he only felt a nothingness that he was all too used to. He was losing his connection to the dark side and yet wasn’t straying to the light, he was just floating between, wandering aimlessly. He felt as though he was missing a part of himself that he had found for such a short amount of time. Found something that he was never able to cherish, not in the time given. Throughout the flight Kylo would secretly steal glances at Hux from behind his helmet. More than once, Kylo caught Hux glancing over at Kylo with a glassy look in his eyes, and a longing in his chest. 

The two were very confused as to where they stood with each other after that night. Were they still silent enemies, who would take the other down at every opportunity presented? Were they on more friendly terms? Or was it something more entirely? Kylo knew he felt a connection he had only felt once before, a deep understanding, an instinctive protectiveness, a care so strong it scared him. He hadn’t felt a connection like this in a very, very long time. Not since he was a padawan training under Luke. Kylo could tell this connection, whatever it was, was strong. After seeing Hux so human and smile for the first time, something had changed within him. When he looked at Hux he could feel this strain in the force, a pull as soft as a whisper toward the other man, as though the ancient magic itself was trying to convey something he couldn’t understand yet. 

The touch he bestowed on Kylo was haunting Hux. How soft his cheek had been, how Hux had traced the scar that ran down the side of his face, how Kylo’s eyes conveyed every emotion he was feeling. Hux could picture it as though it was still happening, how Kylo had looked up at him, his eyes glimmering in the moonlight, and how his hair had framed his face perfectly. He still felt the longing for the kiss that was never to be, still curious as to what Kylo’s lips tasted like. He was angry with himself for being so vulnerable, for allowing someone else to see him in his intoxicated state. And it had to be Kylo fucking Ren of all people. Hux despised Kylo, nothing was going to change. Admittedly, he would be lying to himself if he said that he didn’t feel anything that pervious night, but he was a stubborn idiot, so lying to himself was exactly what he was going to do.

The troopers swayed with the rocking of the ship, and the engine made an almost unnoticeable humming sound for the entirety of the journey. There was mostly silence on the ship until an alarm began to sound. It echoed through every crevice and crack of the ship, resonating in the heads of all crew members. Lights glowed red on the control panel, illuminating the room and casting a red glow onto everything in sight. The troopers, excellently trained, immediately moved into a battle stance, their blasters in their arms ready to fight if ordered to. Hux and Kylo shared panicked glanced. Not because they were looking for comfort, no, definitely not that. But because they were in charge and needed to investigate.

The two walked together toward the control room to see what action needed to take place. Once they entered the room at the front of the ship the pilot, a skilled flyer renowned throughout the order, informed them that they had suddenly run out of fuel and that it was necessary to make an emergency landing on the nearest planet.

Hux and Kylo walked side by side back to the main centre of the ship, where the troopers were awaiting orders.

“At ease” Hux commanded, his voice icy and in control. “We will be landing on the next planet to refuel”. And with that the troopers relaxed.

Hux risked a glance at Kylo and nearly jumped when he saw that Kylo was standing right next to him. His arms were folded, clad in all black unsurprisingly he exuded dominance. Hux found himself drawing in a deep breath and letting it out through his mouth, shakily. He clenched his jaw, he needed to clear his mind because all he could think of right now was how plump the other man’s lips had been, how he wanted to suck and bite at them. Hux could tell that Kylo was staring at him with such intensity under his helmet, he could feel his unrelenting gaze. Hux knew that the _slightly_ taller man could see exactly what he was thinking of. Fuck, Hux hated the force so much.

Kylo tilted his head up, proudly. Hux could practically see the giant smirk plastered on Kylo’s face. The absolute bastard. Kylo strode back over to the seat he sat in before all the commotion, he threw himself down into the chair nonchalantly and Hux huffed out an angry breath before taking his previous place across from Kylo once more. 

The noise from the engine grew louder, and the rocking of the ship grew in intensity until finally one final and harsh jolt signalled that they had landed. Upon exiting, Hux could see the heat waves rising from the barren and cracked stone landscape. The heat was blisteringly hot, the sun unbearable. Hux wished someone would kill him right there, on the spot. He was going to burn, no doubt. There was a dodgy looking citadel in the distance, where they’ll get the fuel he assumed. They began the march across the planet toward their target.

The heat caused everyone to sweat profusely and the troopers were given permission to take their helmets off. The last thing they needed was them dropping dead because of heatstroke. Hux had removed his great greycoat and was wiping beads of sweat away from his forehead. He never could handle the heat. Kylo’s helmet was removed, beads of sweat forming along his brow, the sun causing him to squint his eyes. Hux noticed this and refused the temptation to smile to himself.

Upon reaching the citadel, two troopers were sent with the pilot to restore the fuel stocks and the rest were given permission to rehydrate. Hux sat down on an uncomfortable wooden crate. A deep breath in, a deep breath out. There was sweat forming in places Hux didn’t even know sweat could be. Heat, another thing to add to the list of things he hates. 

Hux’s head jolted upward when he felt someone sit down beside him. His face rapidly changed from curious to deadpan when he saw that it was Kylo. And before Hux could let out a snarky comment or complain, Kylo had extended his arm and was offering him water. Hux rolled his eyes, annoyed by the caring gesture, but took the water without much hesitation. Only after taking the first sip of the cold beverage did Hux realise just how thirsty he had been, he immediately began gulping the water, trying not to look too desperate and failing miserably. Kylo was only able to concentrate on Hux’s throat as he swallowed the water, his breathing involuntarily growing heavier. 

“Thank you”, Hux says slightly louder than a whisper with a short nod of his head after he had finished the bottle. He bites his lip after a moment of awkward tension. Ren can’t help but concentrate solely on his lips after that, his mind becoming less clouded with thought every second he thinks of Hux’s lips on his own. Kylo shakes it off and denies himself the truth of his attraction, leaving it down to the fact that it’s been so long, that he’s just lonely and Hux is the only other person in years who has shown that he’s an actual person, that he can feel.

Kylo had almost gained the courage to start a conversation when blaster shots sounded behind them coming from the back of the citadel where the men had gone to collect the fuel. The shots echoed through the stalls, the tents and travelled far beyond into the dry reaches of this planet. A bad feeling settled in a pit in their stomachs. Kylo and Hux stood immediately, alert and ready for what was to come. Kylo could feel numerous lives leave this world and become one with the force.

Hux’s head snaps toward Ren’s, alarmed. His eyes were wide, frantic. Kylo’s jaw opened and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “Ren”, Hux began, his voice shaking. Hux said no more, Kylo followed his gaze over to where the group of Stormtroopers were sitting. Only the troopers weren’t sitting anymore, their corpses were limp, heads hanging. Blood trickled from their necks that had been slit open, it stained their pristine white uniforms. Blood red and shimmering white, the deaths of those who were never allowed an identity. 

Hux’s hand reached unconsciously for Kylo’s arm. Kylo eyes looked directly into Hux’s. Both men were terrified but through years of practice the fear wasn’t visible on their faces. But their eyes, their eyes gave them away. Hux, ever the brilliant leader, went into survival mode, put his emotions aside and took charge. This is what he was raised to do. 

“Follow my lead, cover my back” Hux said, his voice confident and unwavering. He was trained to ignore the fear of death, to do everything in his power to ignore death even to the point of forgetting humanity. All that mattered was his next mission: locate the target, if possible destroy said target. If not, flee the danger zone. 

“I’ll see how many I can take out”, Ren said revelling in a good battle. “We’re surrounded, I can sense them”, he informed as Hux stealthily moved to take a blaster that had blood smeared on it from one of the trooper’s corpses.

People began to crowd around them, their jackets with resistance symbols on the chest. Their blasters where held up high.

“Surrender or else”, one man spoke up, his voice unwavering.

“Never”, Hux replied darkly, his eyes narrowing and a slight smirk gracing his face.

Shots began firing at the duo but they remained stagnant in the air, Kylo stopping them with the force and allowing Hux time to aim and fire at the assailants. Hux’s aim was exceptional, the shots driving holes into their attacker’s heads or chests. Eight bodies had dropped to the floor, their blood pooling around them. These places would be their unmarked graves. 

“Is that everyone?”, Hux spoke in a hushed tone, his chest rising and falling rapidly. 

“I think so”, Kylo replied cautiously and unsure. “We should leave”. Although the statement was a suggestion it felt like more of a demand, Hux could feel the urgency in it. 

Hux went to move toward their ship. He stopped suddenly in his tracks. The flames of their only exit reflected into his eyes. The wings of the ship had collapsed, the metal beginning to melt. What was had turned to ash, the bright amber flames like a second sun on the ground. After the initial shock, Hux regained his senses.

“That’s going to explode!”, Hux gasped reaching for Kylo frantically and taking uncalculated steps backward. “We need to get as far away as possible”, Hux all but screamed. They began running as fast as they could away from the burning First Order ship. They didn’t know where they were going or what would greet them there, all they knew was that staying here would bring them certain death. 

The two ran until they felt like they might collapse, the citadel finally in the distance. Seconds past and before they could catch their breath, the fire had spread to the ships engine and it exploded. The explosion rivalled anything they had ever seen before, it seemed to be an entity of its own brand. Something to be worshipped. This spectacle could look so mesmerising and yet bring so much pain and tragedy. Something about it reminded Hux of Kylo. The flames had spread to the citadel, spreading and destroying everything in sight.

While being occupied with what was happening in front of them, Kylo and Hux let their guards down. The last assailant had managed to sneak behind them. She raised her blaster without making a sound. Her dark skin had sweat dripping down it, her brown eyes were determined. The resistance uniform which she wore wasn’t designed for such harsh temperatures. She knew what she had to do, it was for the good of the galaxy she believed. Just as she pressed the trigger to serve death to those who she believed deserved it, Kylo sensed her presence. In an instant he had stopped the blaster shot that was heading for Hux’s hair that was as fiery as the flames behind him.

The girl, excellently trained with fast reflexes aimed for Kylo next. Concentrating too hard on saving Hux and the fact that the man next to him had almost died, he wasn’t in time to save himself. He moved slightly to try and avoid the blaster but it hit him regardless, piercing his skin and opening a deep hole in his side. Blood immediately began pooling out, splattering onto the dry rock beneath them. 

Kylo was forced to face a reality his master had never trained him to face, even force-users can die, even the strongest people can fail and even the most skilled warrior can die in battle. The pain pierced through him. 

Before he could blink, Hux had sent a blaster shot through the girl’s forehead. Ending any and all dreams she had for her future. Sending her to the grave, she died a warrior’s death. Pity, she looked so young with all the hatred drained from her face, a type of inner-nothingness that death had brought her. Blood spilled down her dark skin, making her look menacing. She was a fierce and brave fighter till the end. Too bad no one will tell the story of the battle she fought on this ground, and the battle that took her young life. 

Hux’s thoughts snapped away from the girl’s dying body and back to Kylo, who would be dead if he didn’t do something. Hux let out a deep sigh, he doubted there was a medbay nearby. Regardless, he had to act fast or Kylo would bleed out. 

“Fuck”, Hux shouted the frustration coiling inside him. He had to take action and fast. He helped the other man to his feet and balanced him. He put Kylo’s arm around his shoulders and began to half drag, half walk the other man to a sandy-coloured building that was only barely visible along the horizon.

Kylo was mumbling things that Hux couldn’t understand. He had slipped into a semi-conscious state. The blood coming from the right side of Kylo’s abdomen was unrelenting and Hux knew that if he didn’t rush it would be the death of Kylo Ren. 

He picked up his pace, dragging the larger man across the barren desert of a planet to a building where he had no clue what would greet him. Maybe it was desolate, maybe it was a resistance base, maybe it was the homes of people who for whatever reason resided on this planet. Whatever it was, it was worth a shot.

All hope was not lost. Hope never really is, Hux had found.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to give Kudos, and comment to tell me what you think! You can come talk to me on [tumblr](http://www.mortallytremendoustale.tumblr.com/) too if you want, don't worry I don't bite

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think!!


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